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Why Emotions Aren’t the Problem — and What They’re Actually Trying to Tell Us

A bunch of stones painted with different types of emotions

Did You Notice This About Emotions?


Did you notice that whenever we encounter something out of the ordinary, it’s usually marked by a change in our emotional state?


Think about it.


You feel frustrated when your co-workers won’t collaborate.

You feel nervous before speaking up.

You feel angry when something feels unfair.

You feel bored when your mind needs stimulation.


We often treat these emotional shifts like problems to eliminate.


But what if emotions aren’t the problem at all?


What if they’re signals?


Emotions Are Not the Enemy — They’re the Messenger

One of the biggest misconceptions in parenting, education, and even adulthood is the belief that “good regulation” means not feeling.


But emotional regulation does not mean suppressing, bypassing, or fixing emotions quickly.


It means:

  • Recognizing the emotion

  • Understanding what it’s trying to tell us

  • Responding in a way that meets the underlying need


This is not only healthy — it is a quintessential human experience.


And yes, this applies to adults and children.


When we rush children out of emotions, we unintentionally teach them:

“Your inner signals are dangerous or inconvenient.”

But when we allow emotions to be experienced fully and safely, we teach something far more powerful:

“Your feelings make sense. Let’s listen to them.”
A watering can is watering three tiny sprouts on a bed of soil

The Gardener’s Lens: A Simpler Way to Understand Emotions

At Empower Empathy™, we use a gardener metaphor to help both adults and children understand emotions without shame.


Every emotion can be understood through four simple elements:


1. The Weeds — What We See on the Surface


Weeds are the observable behaviors:

  • Snapping

  • Withdrawing

  • Over-helping

  • Avoiding

  • Shutting down

  • Acting silly

  • Being unkind

We call them weeds not because they’re bad —but because they grow fast, grab attention, and are often misunderstood.


Here’s the key reframe:

Weeds are survival strategies.

They show us how someone is coping — not who they are.


2. The Soil — The Need Beneath the Emotion


Every weed grows because the soil is missing something.


Underneath emotions are needs such as:

  • Safety

  • Belonging

  • Autonomy

  • Rest

  • Predictability

  • Understanding

  • Connection


For example:

  • Frustration may signal lack of support

  • Anger may signal boundary violation

  • Boredom may signal need for stimulation

  • Worry may signal uncertainty

  • Unkindness may signal unmet emotional safety


When the soil is depleted, weeds grow louder.


3. The Flowers — Healthier Ways to Meet the Same Need


Here’s where regulation actually happens.


We don’t remove weeds by force.

We plant flowers that serve the same purpose.


Instead of:

  • Shouting → using words or signals

  • Avoiding → asking for help

  • Acting out → releasing energy safely

  • Withdrawing → seeking connection


Flowers are replacement behaviors — not punishments, not compliance.

We don’t remove the weed until a flower is planted.

4. Sun & Water Language — How Adults Help Emotions Grow Safely


Language is emotional fertilizer.


Children don’t learn regulation through lectures

—they learn it through how we respond.


Sun & water language sounds like:

  • “I can see this is hard.”

  • “Your feeling makes sense.”

  • “I’m here with you.”

  • “Let’s figure this out together.”

  • “You’re not in trouble for having feelings.”


Calm, specific, attuned language creates the conditions for growth.



Why We Shouldn’t Be Afraid of Emotions — Ours or Our Children’s


When adults fear emotions, children learn to fear themselves.


But emotions are not storms to survive —they are signals to interpret.


If we want children who can:

  • Regulate under stress

  • Communicate needs clearly

  • Set boundaries without aggression

  • Show empathy without losing themselves


Then we must first allow emotions to be experienced, not erased.



February: A 28-Day Emotional Gardening Journey

This February, Tiny Sprouts® is launching a 28-day emotional literacy series — one emotion per day.


Each day’s post will highlight:

  • The Weed (what it often looks like)

  • The Soil (the unmet need)

  • The Flower (what to plant instead)

  • Sun & Water Language (what helps regulation grow)


From Angry to Absent-Minded, from Bored to Brave, from Worried to Thankful —


Each emotion will be reframed as a teacher, not a threat.


These daily posts are designed to be:

  • Practical

  • Shareable

  • Parent-friendly

  • Classroom-ready

  • Therapy-informed


Final Thought

Education is not an extermination project.

It’s a cultivation process.


When the emotional soil is enriched, the weeds don’t need to be fought

—they fade.



Come Join Tiny Sprouts!

If you want to go beyond emotional labels and actually teach regulation, empathy, and resilience —


Explore Empower Empathy™, where emotions become tools, not troubles.


Follow our 28-day February emotion series on our Instagram and/or Facebook:


👉 Use the language at home, in classrooms, or therapy rooms

👉 Grow emotional intelligence — one day, one emotion at a time


Because when we teach children to understand their emotions,

we’re not just raising calmer kids —


We’re growing healthier humans. 


 
 
 

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